|IMAGE CREDIT: WWE.com|
But since he's returned to WWE, I just haven't felt the same about him. It's like he took a really big pin to my really big bubble and burst that fucker all over my face. Because since he's come back, he's cared more about recycling his old jokes from ten years ago, what is trending on Twitter, or how many gay jokes he can fit into one pre-tape then actually being The Rock. His feud with John Cena should've been so much better than it was. Because all it was was playground level insults and homophobic comments about who has ladyparts from Rock, and Cena just saying “yeah but I'm always here and you're not so tongue poke”.
And now we're bracing ourselves for his comeback against CM Punk at Royal Rumble. I should be so excited about this. Two of the business's best talkers, and at separate times in my life two of my favourite wrestlers, getting ready to throw down verbal barbs and then have it out in the ring as well.
But I'm not excited. Not really. I know what CM Punk can deliver. He's been delivering the goods for years, but especially for the last eighteen months. He's been WWE Champion forever, and he's also managed to make me love him on a deeper level than anyone has before. I also know what Rock can deliver, and that's the really sad part in all of this. I KNOW Rock can do so much better than he did during his feud with Cena. He can be one of the best talkers, he can electrify and he can make me want to copy that Rockbrow like I did when I was small.
But instead of being excited to see these two guys I love fight, I'm worried that Rock will just come out calling Punk a skinny fat homo or whatever, and talk about Tout or whichever fetish WWE has that he will plug ad nauseum. I'm worried that Rock will come back with the same lines he used against Cena (which are actually the same lines I used to hear him use on people like Perry Saturn and Stephanie McMahon, FFS). I'm worried that for the second time, Rock's big return and big match will just feel like a monumental let down. And I don't want to be let down by Rock, it spoils what are otherwise pleasant memories of him.
Right now, I don't really feel like being Rocked, because if being Rocked means more of the same of what we got last time, it's not what it's should be, not what it could be, just a giant let down.
So please, Rock, when you do come back, bring what made you great back with you. Leave your homophobic jokes on Brian Gerwitz script; and leave the whole “I'm just doing this to plug a movie” vibe at the door, because I know that's not really how you feel about this. Make up for the monumental fart you did against Cena with Punk and deliver what I know you can deliver. Because I don't want to dread seeing you. But right now I do, and it's your own fault. Change it. Please?